Wednesday, July 15, 2009

No Baby 4 Us

Why have a blog if I can't share my hopes, dreams, and thoughts about life as I know it. It's my life. It's MY journal. I could go private. But I choose not to. Once again it's My Blog. Those who know me know I try my hardest to get along with everyone. Which is why I specifically stated that it was my own thoughts and experiance. My husband Ted would probably have a completly different experiance than I did. Alas, the last post offended someone who works at the adoption agency. And so leads to the phone call I had been waiting for. And to my surprise it was a very heated conversation from the begining. I could easily say WE ARE NOT GETTING KEEGANS SIBLING BECAUSE WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY, And I would have, But I was advised not to state any more on my blog!
I was so shocked at the way I was being accused of lying and further more making me feel that this was all my fault. I will expound and share our conversation. Enjoy... Or not.
*** this is the symbol I have chosen as the one I am conversing with.



*** I have read your blog. The comment about calling us "guard dogs" was totally inappropriate. And offended us. Those girls are there for support. The reason why Jasmine is mad is because YOU have made her wait. We have told her that we are waiting for you to arrange your finances.
(ME) We have been trying to do that. And I am sorry that we did not have the money the minute you called. But you did agree to give us the time and I totally apologize for offending you. I stated at the beginning of my post that it was my own thoughts on the experiance. And when I called the caseworkers guards - not guard dogs I did not mean it as negative. I see that it would be seen as such but I was simply describing that I did not feel that I was able to express all that I was thinking.
*** Well, we have thought about this, taken hours of time and prayers to come up with a solution that will help you guys. We can take 5,000 off and subsadize the medical.
(ME) Aren't we responsible to pay the hospital on our own. We were planning on making payments to the hospital.
*** No. You must have the entire amount paid to the hospital on the day of relinguishment. So you are looking at a total of 25,000

(We expounded on that because I was confused as to what we needed all together)

(ME)So when I called you on Sunday and said we had 8,000 it was not even close?
*** What do you want from us? You are asking to get this baby for free. You want our workers to work for free? Would you want your husband to work for free?
(ME) All I wanted was a Yes or No. And I don't think 8,000 is free. It's more than 1/2 the agency fee.
*** This is the best we can do. No matter what we do we look like the bad guy.
(ME)Then I guess we are out. We can not come up with another 17,000.
*** OK. I hope that we will not see any more on your blog...
(ME, interupting) Well thats the beauty of having a blog and having the freedom to share what I am feeling. So NO you may not ask.. But I do want to ask you if I may see Jasmine again?
*** No. That will not be possible.
(ME) Why? I didn't get a chance to tell her myself. Unless she was told something else.

(The conversation was pretty tense up till now when all heck broke loose.)

*** Are you calling me a liar!!! Dont even accuse me of lying!!!!
(ME) No but you have accused me from the moment I picked up the phone.
(Not sure she heard me over her yelling so I yelled back)
YOUR CALLING ME A LIAR!!!

*** YOU KNOW WHAT CHANDRA!!!!!

And that's when I hung up the phone and cried.

I am glad Keegan was busy watching Wall-E and Daesha was sleeping on the couch.
I felt sick. Not because I had been yelled at (let me say she has a right to feel hurt by my blog. I can't help how someone else reacts. But I felt it was not professional and maybe I had taken it way too far by assuming Jasmine might have been mislead. But what else can I assume if I am not able to tell her myself??)

So as you may have guessed we will not be adding this little guy to our family. We plan on saving all that has been donated to our cause and put it in an adoption trust fund. We will have to save up for the next one. I knew that we had very little money. But stupid me for thinking this was a special situation and we would be given some breaks. Stupid me for having faith in humanity and being reminded that money is what rules the world.

DISCLAIMER:

All information is Chandra's opinion and should not be taken, copied or used without the expressed consent of the author.

16 comments:

holmesfam.blogspot.com said...

Chandra...I am so sorry this is all happening to you and your sweet family. You definately have a right to your feelings, and a right to express them wherever, and whenever. You are the type of person (that I remember) that would try and get along with anyone. My prayers and thoughts are with you guys.... a thought of a song comes to me right now "If I Had A Million Dollars" you would be FIRST on my list!

Debbi said...

we are calling you asap...wait you just called us. I wish we could fix this!!!!I want to say a few choice things, but won't. I'm bummed!

Anonymous said...

Chandra,

First of all, I am shocked at the lack of professionalism that this woman showed you. I hope that in the future your family will use another agency.
Second, I am so sorry that you were not able to add to your family at this time. I hope that another opportunity comes soon. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Krista

Tammy said...

This is deja vu for me Chandra! When we decided not to finalize our adoption with Elizabeth we told the agency we'd keep her until a new family was placed and that we'd like to help pick the new family. I found FOUR families willing to take her but they didn't have the money the agency required. I finally told the agency we would go ahead and finalize it so we could then place her again and pick the family. They called that night to say she'd be removed from our home the next day. And she was.

They can say it isn't about the money but everyone knows it is. Not many people are lucky enough to be offered siblings and you'd think the agency could be more helpful. I am so sorry this is happening!

Tammy said...

P.S. Our agency said the same thing about "come up with what you can" but they already had a figure in their head. One of the families I found filled out all the paperwork and did a home study.

So what happens to this baby now? Hasn't the birth mother been expecting you would take him? I feel sorry for her too.

Connie said...

I am so sorry to hear about your news. I can't imagine how difficult that would be.

I'm surprised too that they're not more helpful since it is a sibling situation. If the birthmom wants you to have him it seems like they would do what they could to make that happen. Could thy let you be foster parents until you could come up with the rest of the money?

I wish there was something I could do to help. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Chandra,
We to went through a similar situation and ended up not getting our daughters brother. His birth mom wanted him with us, but she was being told a completely different story from the adoption agency. I didn't find this stuff out until it was too late. I would do it differently the second time around. Do everything in your power to contact Jasmine. She deserves to know the truth from you before it's all too late. She could leave the agency, even return home and choose to place privately with you by the use of an attorney. They will keep her from you so they can control the situation. They agency workers make plenty of money. They aren't underpaid...they make plenty of money and could do a little "pro-bono" work once in awhile.
From...a facebook friend you recently added.

Bret Bushman Family said...

That breaks my heart Chandra, I agree with the last comment that you should do everything you can to try and contact Jasmine, it's worth a shot. We love you guys, hang in there.

Kim said...

Honestly, I don't know what to say at this point. I'm at a loss of good words. I have lots of bad words that I could say about the agency and how they handled this situation. My heart breaks for you. I love you guys so much, and it hurts to see you sad. Hang in there.

Trying to be said...

Chandra! I am so sorry to hear about this. I agree, I would try to figure out a way to talk to the birth mother. It just doesnt seem fair! Its sad to say but money does rule the world. I couldnt imagine a better family for this little guy to go to than you four!!! You and Ted are in our thoughts and prayers.

The Wes Gordon Family said...

I think you should share with some of your friends the agency in questions name and we will make phone calls in your behalf.

Maybe a little publicity will encourage the agencies to lean towards compassion rather than dollar signs.

I am so Infuriated with the BABY TRAFFICKING, the agencies are now in it up to thier ears, it is NOT about building bridges & families, it is a MONEY MAKING BUSINESS and it should NOT BE!

(Case in point, the 10k tax credit that bumped up ALL agency fees by 10k a few years ago.)

Katie said...

Get Gephart. Or some other news station. Maybe it wouldn't help with this immediate situation (maybe it would) but it may bring to light the wrongness of agencies not honoring the wishes of the birth mothers, not based on unsuitablity, but based on outrageous fees. You don't know me, I am just in the adoption world too and heard about your situation from a friend. This makes me nervous to even try to adopt again. I wonder if what they are doing is even legal. I agree with the previous comment that it seems a lot like trafficking. They should have some laws protecting the birth mothers and families. I'm sorry you've had to go through this.

Mindi B said...

Chandra, I am so sorry to hear about your experience today. It's too bad they couldn't understand the overwhelming feelings you are going through right now, or they would have never been offended by your last post; you are NOT one to purposely offend ANYONE! Money, money, money! It's instances like these that make me wish I had millions, so that I could help to eliminate instances like these. To have two siblings grow up together with two LOVING parents and a loving family should NEVER be a matter of money . . . NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!!!!!!! My heart goes out to you and Ted most earnestly!!! I sincerely hope that you will have closure with this, that Jasmine will know what you are feeling and that the adoption agency will understand that you had NO intent to offend or hurt them by your blog!!!

living life said...

oh chandra! im so sorry! is it sad you see all these adoption commercials on TV, "make a difference in a childs life" and when really good people like you try, they dont let them!! i have a friend down here that wont go through agencies to adopt, she will only do personal, private adoptions through lawyers, someone needs to start a "scholarship fund" except instead of giving money to people wanting to go to school they need to help people wanting to adopt children! seriously.. i hope all goes well for you and ted! you guys are in our prayers!!

Unknown said...

oh my gosh....i think that it is rediculous (sp?) to have to pay for a fee to adopt a human in the first place. if the bio mom is accepting of your family, then that should be it. she should just give it to you. they could have made any and all sacrifices to have that child put in a wonderful home where the parents would love and care for him. i guess they have always sad that money is the root of all evil...hence the hostile adoption agency lady. i'm thinking about you and your family is in my prayers! if i was a rich woman, i would give you the cash flow chicka! by the way, this is heather (debbi's friend) i'm signed in under my work id! ha

MakingChanges said...

Chandra, my heart is breaking for you. I would really like to know the name of the agency so I don't use them. Dalen and I aren't able to have anymore kids and we feel like we aren't done. We have talked about adopting 1 or 2 kids in the near future, and I want to make sure that I go through an agency that would treat me better than this.

Oh, and your blog, your feelings, your words, they can just eat crap if they don't like it.