With All My Love.....

I thought I could do this without crying by now... ugh, I guess not. But for my own personal reason I wanted to record the things that touched me. And the things that I just might forget with time.

On May 25th my sisters youngest daughter passed away at the age of 9. She endured a 5 year battle to an undiagnosed illness. As requested by my sister and her husband we had been praying for weeks for God to release her from this world. Every night when it was my turn to say the prayer and I thought of Tiffany I just simply couldn't say it. And some days I could say it but with a hardened throat feeling. When I heard that she had passed I told my little Daesha. She didn't seem sad at all. Infact she said, (in a cheerful voice) "Our prayers were finally answered!"

When she first began to get sick at age 4 she never complained. Not until she wasn't able to run anymore. Only once did I hear her quietly ask her mother. Why don't my legs work anymore? I wouldn't even consider that a real complaint. I never once heard a surge of anger from her the entire time she stayed a few days at my house while her parents went to Porto Rico. She could have complained because I wasn't paying attention while I was feeding her and dropped potatoes on the front of her shirt. All she did was smile until I asked what she was smiling about. She could have been humiliated as I balanced her in one arm while using the other hand to delicately pull her pants down to go to the bathroom. Instead she giggled at my awkwardnes which made me smile and laugh too. She was always smiling and loved her family so much.

These were the memories that filled my mind as I walked in the door of the Searle home. There sat my sister in their favorite blue chair, still holding Tiffany after her spirit had gone hours before. The pain of loosing a child must be the worst pain a human could know. I only felt a portion of it and it hurt more than I could stand.

Little Tiffany was a miracle. She touched so many lives. Much more than I realized until her funeral service.

It was such a spiritual service where family love and devotion was shared and felt. Amazingly, each one of her siblings got up and shared some memories they had of their little sister. One of her brothers is serving a church mission in Washington state and was able to view the services via Skype. He even was able to talk to the congregation. My sister and brother-in-law shared the most tender moments of her last few days and even seconds with us. One spoke of the fact that Tiffany's life was a strength to her brother serving a mission. That he was sure her brother would think of her daily and for that he would be an amazing tool. Then he pointed out all who were touch by Tiff and how it was going to make each one of us a better person. Tiffany truely had a unfair life. But because she was able to do it so bravely confirms to me that my lot is good. I should be grateful to everything I have and never for one second complain. Just smile.

I also remember it being said that the morning she had passed over 200 phone calls were made to our local temple to place the families name on the prayer roll. amazing.

If you follow my blog you will remember the post a few months ago about Tiffany's race. She loved to run. My favorite quote from her obituary...

"Tiffany has finished her race here on earth, but she is on the other side cheering us on as we finish ours"